NCAA to Investigate UNC for Receiving ‘Impermissible’ Hats & T-Shirts

Chapel Hill, NC – The UNC-Chapel Hill athletic department was notified late Monday night that the NCAA is investigating the hats and t-shirts donned by players immediately after winning the 2017 NCAA Basketball Championship. NCAA investigators believe that receipt of the basic clothing items violates compliance regulations against receiving ‘impermissible benefits’, despite the fact that those items were… Read More NCAA to Investigate UNC for Receiving ‘Impermissible’ Hats & T-Shirts

Tuesday’s SportsCenter Includes Seven Actual Sports Highlights; Breaks 5-Year Record

Bristol, CT – The 9am EST edition of SportsCenter on Tuesday, March 28th, featured no less than seven highlights of actual sporting events during the one-hour broadcast, smashing what was once thought to be an unbreakable record (five) set in 2012, according to the Elias Sports Bureau. ESPN’s flagship morning show typically features 1-2 sports… Read More Tuesday’s SportsCenter Includes Seven Actual Sports Highlights; Breaks 5-Year Record

Grumpy Guy in Accounting Complains “Internet So Slow on Thursdays & Fridays” During Tax Season

Stamford, CT – Arthur Edmonds can’t seem to figure out why his company’s internet speed always seems dramatically slow in mid-to-late March and early April, especially on Thursdays and Fridays. When asked his thoughts on why the internet speed slowed dramatically, Arthur was unsure: “This happens every single year right in the heat of tax season, there… Read More Grumpy Guy in Accounting Complains “Internet So Slow on Thursdays & Fridays” During Tax Season

New Guy At Gym Attempts to Intimidate Pickup Game Players With Elaborate Stretching Routine

Washington D.C. – In a calculated effort to bolster his athletic stature, new gym member, Oliver Stevens, age 32, engaged in a complex warmup routine while waiting to join the next pickup basketball game. Eager to “set the right tone”, Oliver improvised a series of calisthenics and dynamic stretches which he executed to perfection along… Read More New Guy At Gym Attempts to Intimidate Pickup Game Players With Elaborate Stretching Routine

Welker Announces He Will Skip Patriots White House Visit

New England – Former Patriots wide receiver, Wes Welker, announced on Twitter that he will join many of his “teammates” and skip the celebratory trip to the White House that the Patriots will make later this year. Welker’s announcement caused a media firestorm, largely because Welker has not played for the Patriots since the 2012… Read More Welker Announces He Will Skip Patriots White House Visit

Ohio State Fans Celebrate 10th Anniversary of Bowling Green Massacre

Columbus, OH – Fans of the Buckeyes men’s basketball program took to Twitter yesterday to relive the historic 112-53 blowout win over in-state rival Bowling Green that took place just ten years ago. Famously dubbed the “Bowling Green Massacre”, the Buckeyes, led by Iraqi-refugee combo-guard D’Andre Hussein Mohammed, held the Falcons to just 18-of-76 from the field… Read More Ohio State Fans Celebrate 10th Anniversary of Bowling Green Massacre