Tuesday’s SportsCenter Includes Seven Actual Sports Highlights; Breaks 5-Year Record

Bristol, CT – The 9am EST edition of SportsCenter on Tuesday, March 28th, featured no less than seven highlights of actual sporting events during the one-hour broadcast, smashing what was once thought to be an unbreakable record (five) set in 2012, according to the Elias Sports Bureau. ESPN’s flagship morning show typically features 1-2 sports… Read More Tuesday’s SportsCenter Includes Seven Actual Sports Highlights; Breaks 5-Year Record

Grumpy Guy in Accounting Complains “Internet So Slow on Thursdays & Fridays” During Tax Season

Stamford, CT – Arthur Edmonds can’t seem to figure out why his company’s internet speed always seems dramatically slow in mid-to-late March and early April, especially on Thursdays and Fridays. When asked his thoughts on why the internet speed slowed dramatically, Arthur was unsure: “This happens every single year right in the heat of tax season, there… Read More Grumpy Guy in Accounting Complains “Internet So Slow on Thursdays & Fridays” During Tax Season

New Guy At Gym Attempts to Intimidate Pickup Game Players With Elaborate Stretching Routine

Washington D.C. – In a calculated effort to bolster his athletic stature, new gym member, Oliver Stevens, age 32, engaged in a complex warmup routine while waiting to join the next pickup basketball game. Eager to “set the right tone”, Oliver improvised a series of calisthenics and dynamic stretches which he executed to perfection along… Read More New Guy At Gym Attempts to Intimidate Pickup Game Players With Elaborate Stretching Routine

Welker Announces He Will Skip Patriots White House Visit

New England – Former Patriots wide receiver, Wes Welker, announced on Twitter that he will join many of his “teammates” and skip the celebratory trip to the White House that the Patriots will make later this year. Welker’s announcement caused a media firestorm, largely because Welker has not played for the Patriots since the 2012… Read More Welker Announces He Will Skip Patriots White House Visit

Ohio State Fans Celebrate 10th Anniversary of Bowling Green Massacre

Columbus, OH – Fans of the Buckeyes men’s basketball program took to Twitter yesterday to relive the historic 112-53 blowout win over in-state rival Bowling Green that took place just ten years ago. Famously dubbed the “Bowling Green Massacre”, the Buckeyes, led by Iraqi-refugee combo-guard D’Andre Hussein Mohammed, held the Falcons to just 18-of-76 from the field… Read More Ohio State Fans Celebrate 10th Anniversary of Bowling Green Massacre

Duke to Play Naked After Consecutive Wins Following Ban on Clothing

Durham, NC – After winning two straight games following a ban on wearing any clothing emblazoned with their university logo imposed by head coach Mike Kryzekqxvziy#ksi, the Duke Blue Devils men’s basketball team will play the rest of their season completely naked in an effort to capitalize on the now-obvious correlation between clothing restrictions and… Read More Duke to Play Naked After Consecutive Wins Following Ban on Clothing