New England – Tom Brady shocked many supporters when he announced that he planned to skip the New England Patriots victory trip to the White House on Wednesday, albeit not for political reasons. While many of his teammates refused to participate due to their aversion to the anthropomorphized fake-Rolex that now occupies the White House, Brady skipped the event to stay home and watch a televised marathon of Family Matters. “This is just a great show,” argued Brady, “during the season I never get a chance to watch, so yeah, I’m staying [home] for a personal Family Matters viewing.” Brady made similar news several years ago, missing out on the team trip to Washington D.C. following their Superbowl victory while President Obama was in office. At the time, Brady was halfway through the third season of Breaking Bad. President Trump was initially worried about Brady’s absence, but was later reassured that there would still be plenty of well-paid, oversized white guys in attendance.