Russian Equestrian Horses Banned for Doping

Rio de Janeiro – The IOC has finally issued a proclamation that all Russian horses involved in equestrian events will be banned from further competition in the 2016 Olympics. These horses are the latest in a series of high-profile suspensions that came following the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) investigation which unveiled a rigorous state-run doping program… Read More Russian Equestrian Horses Banned for Doping

Reports: Rio Still Recovering from Legendary Heist as Olympics Approach

Rio de Janeiro – Experts now suggest that many of the problems in Rio leading up to the start of the Olympic Games are the result of the almost-mythical 2011 robbery that destroyed much of the city’s transportation infrastructure. The heist, allegedly perpetrated by a noticeably diverse crew led by internationally-acclaimed street racer, Dominic ‘Dom’ Toretto,  ruined miles of… Read More Reports: Rio Still Recovering from Legendary Heist as Olympics Approach

Sources: Javaris Crittenton to Skip Rio Olympics

Georgia State Penitentiary – According to various sources, Javaris Crittenton has taken himself out of the running for the upcoming Summer Olympics. “Javaris is actually in great shape,” noted his agent/appeals attorney, Keith Dobbins, “he exercises every day, for exactly an hour, actually. But he has decided to opt out of consideration for Team USA due to,… Read More Sources: Javaris Crittenton to Skip Rio Olympics

Olympic Sailor Grows Advantageous Third Arm After Practicing in Rio Waters

Rio De Janeiro – While many athletes are complaining about the heavily polluted waters leading up to the 2016 Olympic Games in Brazil, Hans Bergenbeim has decided to use the situation to his advantage, opting to keep the third arm he recently grew after a few practice sessions at the Rio venue. “When life gives you… Read More Olympic Sailor Grows Advantageous Third Arm After Practicing in Rio Waters