NCAA to Investigate UNC for Receiving ‘Impermissible’ Hats & T-Shirts

Chapel Hill, NC – The UNC-Chapel Hill athletic department was notified late Monday night that the NCAA is investigating the hats and t-shirts donned by players immediately after winning the 2017 NCAA Basketball Championship. NCAA investigators believe that receipt of the basic clothing items violates compliance regulations against receiving ‘impermissible benefits’, despite the fact that those items were… Read More NCAA to Investigate UNC for Receiving ‘Impermissible’ Hats & T-Shirts

Grumpy Guy in Accounting Complains “Internet So Slow on Thursdays & Fridays” During Tax Season

Stamford, CT – Arthur Edmonds can’t seem to figure out why his company’s internet speed always seems dramatically slow in mid-to-late March and early April, especially on Thursdays and Fridays. When asked his thoughts on why the internet speed slowed dramatically, Arthur was unsure: “This happens every single year right in the heat of tax season, there… Read More Grumpy Guy in Accounting Complains “Internet So Slow on Thursdays & Fridays” During Tax Season

Ohio State Fans Celebrate 10th Anniversary of Bowling Green Massacre

Columbus, OH – Fans of the Buckeyes men’s basketball program took to Twitter yesterday to relive the historic 112-53 blowout win over in-state rival Bowling Green that took place just ten years ago. Famously dubbed the “Bowling Green Massacre”, the Buckeyes, led by Iraqi-refugee combo-guard D’Andre Hussein Mohammed, held the Falcons to just 18-of-76 from the field… Read More Ohio State Fans Celebrate 10th Anniversary of Bowling Green Massacre

Duke to Play Naked After Consecutive Wins Following Ban on Clothing

Durham, NC – After winning two straight games following a ban on wearing any clothing emblazoned with their university logo imposed by head coach Mike Kryzekqxvziy#ksi, the Duke Blue Devils men’s basketball team will play the rest of their season completely naked in an effort to capitalize on the now-obvious correlation between clothing restrictions and… Read More Duke to Play Naked After Consecutive Wins Following Ban on Clothing

Star WR to Skip Bowl Game to Take Sociology Final

Hastings, NE – In a widely criticized decision, University of Nebraska NCAA student-athlete Zachary Hill has decided to forgo playing in Saturday’s Rosemary Salmon Quinoa Bowl in order to take his Sociology 201 final. University officials were perplexed by Hill’s decision and immediately began asking questions of Hill’s sociology professor, Dr. Robert Dorfman, who spoke with reporters in… Read More Star WR to Skip Bowl Game to Take Sociology Final

Michigan to Wear Khaki Alternates for Homecoming Game

Ann Arbor – Inspired by the fashion choices of their head coach, Jim Harbaugh, the Wolverines will wear alternate uniforms featuring khaki bottoms during their homecoming game against rival Ohio State. The uniforms will likely be pleated and each individual player will decide on whether or not to cuff the bottom of the pants. NCAA uniform… Read More Michigan to Wear Khaki Alternates for Homecoming Game

Baylor Signs 5-Star Prospect Despite Lack of Criminal Record

Waco – Baylor University students and boosters were shocked when the football team announced Wednesday that 5-star prospect, Andrew Jenkins, had signed a letter of intent to play football for the Bears next fall. To date, Jenkins has yet to be indicted or even suspected of any criminal wrongdoing, making his recruitment an outlier for… Read More Baylor Signs 5-Star Prospect Despite Lack of Criminal Record