Chapel Hill, NC – The UNC-Chapel Hill athletic department was notified late Monday night that the NCAA is investigating the hats and t-shirts donned by players immediately after winning the 2017 NCAA Basketball Championship. NCAA investigators believe that receipt of the basic clothing items violates compliance regulations against receiving ‘impermissible benefits’, despite the fact that those items were provided by the NCAA itself. When asked for comment, NCAA investigators referred to Section 155.5.3 of NCAA Code 505, which mandates that “no player shall receive or benefit from any of the ba-gillions of dollars (s)he generates as an NCAA athlete”. If found guilty of these violations, UNC-Chapel Hill could face a variety of sanctions, including but not limited to recruiting restrictions, loss of the newly-won 2017 title, and the requirement that its best players leave college to play professional basketball full-time for adequate, market-set compensation.