New England – Former Patriots wide receiver, Wes Welker, announced on Twitter that he will join many of his “teammates” and skip the celebratory trip to the White House that the Patriots will make later this year. Welker’s announcement caused a media firestorm, largely because Welker has not played for the Patriots since the 2012… Read More Welker Announces He Will Skip Patriots White House Visit
Hastings, NE – In a widely criticized decision, University of Nebraska NCAA student-athlete Zachary Hill has decided to forgo playing in Saturday’s Rosemary Salmon Quinoa Bowl in order to take his Sociology 201 final. University officials were perplexed by Hill’s decision and immediately began asking questions of Hill’s sociology professor, Dr. Robert Dorfman, who spoke with reporters in… Read More Star WR to Skip Bowl Game to Take Sociology Final
Lee, MA – Concerned that their brand name has been tarnished beyond repair, a local sports bar has asked its patrons to submit suggestions for a new name after Donald Trump repeatedly referred to his braggadocio about sexually assaulting women as mere “locker room talk”. “We want to assure our patrons that this type of discourse is not… Read More Local Sports Bar Considers Changing Name Following Presidential Debate
Nashville – Jason Nickermayer was surprised back in May to learn that the hockey season had not ended; he was astonished after turning on the television yesterday to discover that the NHL season had not yet finished. “How is this happening? It’s f–king June,” lambasted Jason. At press time, he still had no intention of watching a single… Read More Casual Fan Even More Surprised to Learn that Hockey is Still Going On
Kansas City – Mildly-enthusiastic fan Gabe Appleton grew deeply annoyed during Tuesday night’s Kansas City Royals game when he was politely asked by three separate fans over the course of two innings to scrunch aside so they could exit the row to use the bathroom. “Just watch the damn game,” Appleton muttered to himself as a 10-year-old fan who… Read More Fan in Aisle Seat Appalled That Others Must Occasionally Get Up And Exit Row
Nashville – Moderately enthusiastic sports fan Jason Nickermayer was shocked after turning on the television this week and observing that the NHL is only in the second-round of the postseason, despite it being May. “Shouldn’t hockey be over in, like, March?” questioned Nickermayer, who subscribes to a fairly strict ‘if there’s no ice outside, there should be no ice inside’… Read More Casual Sports Fan Suprised to Learn Hockey is Still Going On
Atlanta – Aaron Jefferstein was originally flabbergasted that a slice of pizza could cost $9, though he went on to tell his friends that it was “actually pretty good.” Enjoying the Braves game from section 319, Aaron continued to rave about the pizza as his friends looked at their phones and nodded in agreement. “I mean, it’s… Read More Local Fan Insists $9 Ballpark Pizza “Actually Pretty Good”
Washington D.C. – Upon exiting the Verizon Center arena following a game in which the Wizards lost 117-113 to the Denver Nuggets, Wizards fan Dave Cartwright expressed his profound love for the constant stream of rap instrumentals played during the game. “I used to go to games and get stuck focusing on basketball. Now, I get a constant… Read More Local NBA Fan Thrilled That Arena Constantly Plays Music During Gameplay
HOUSTON – Emerging into the parking lot at NRG Stadium following the Texans’ game, die-hard fan and mezzanine-level season ticket holder Joe DePalmer turned to his buddies and defended his decision to bring a homemade sign to the game. “Did you see when JJ [Watt] pointed up towards our section after that sack in the… Read More Adult Fan Insists Bringing Sign to Game Was Good Decision
ORLANDO – After spending much of the first half of the Orlando Magic game posting selfies on Instagram that he took in the team shop, in line at Sbarro, and next to the cheerleaders who were awkwardly forced to stand in the aisle next to his seat in Section 306, local fan Darrell Baines achieved… Read More Local Fan’s ‘Life Complete’ Following Jumbotron Appearance
The Hyperbolic Chamber 