Believeland – After a demoralizing loss in the 2017 NBA finals, Lebron James and Kyrie Irving both announced that they will opt-out of their current contracts with the Cavaliers and sign with the Warriors during free agency. “My goal is to win titles. Not one, not two, not three… but, like, at least four,” Lebron… Read More Lebron & Kyrie to Opt-Out, Join Warriors
Atlanta – Locked into the fifth seed with only tonight’s game remaining in the 2016-2017 regular season, the Atlanta Hawks have decided to rest their entire coaching staff with the playoffs just around the corner. This step marks the latest in the ever-increasing trend of NBA teams using advanced medical data to drive their nightly decisions. “Coach Bud… Read More Hawks to Rest Entire Coaching Staff Tonight in Preparation for Playoffs
Chapel Hill, NC – The UNC-Chapel Hill athletic department was notified late Monday night that the NCAA is investigating the hats and t-shirts donned by players immediately after winning the 2017 NCAA Basketball Championship. NCAA investigators believe that receipt of the basic clothing items violates compliance regulations against receiving ‘impermissible benefits’, despite the fact that those items were… Read More NCAA to Investigate UNC for Receiving ‘Impermissible’ Hats & T-Shirts
Stamford, CT – Arthur Edmonds can’t seem to figure out why his company’s internet speed always seems dramatically slow in mid-to-late March and early April, especially on Thursdays and Fridays. When asked his thoughts on why the internet speed slowed dramatically, Arthur was unsure: “This happens every single year right in the heat of tax season, there… Read More Grumpy Guy in Accounting Complains “Internet So Slow on Thursdays & Fridays” During Tax Season
Washington D.C. – In a calculated effort to bolster his athletic stature, new gym member, Oliver Stevens, age 32, engaged in a complex warmup routine while waiting to join the next pickup basketball game. Eager to “set the right tone”, Oliver improvised a series of calisthenics and dynamic stretches which he executed to perfection along… Read More New Guy At Gym Attempts to Intimidate Pickup Game Players With Elaborate Stretching Routine
Sacramento – No, they didn’t. They got hosed.
Columbus, OH – Fans of the Buckeyes men’s basketball program took to Twitter yesterday to relive the historic 112-53 blowout win over in-state rival Bowling Green that took place just ten years ago. Famously dubbed the “Bowling Green Massacre”, the Buckeyes, led by Iraqi-refugee combo-guard D’Andre Hussein Mohammed, held the Falcons to just 18-of-76 from the field… Read More Ohio State Fans Celebrate 10th Anniversary of Bowling Green Massacre