Ohio State Fans Celebrate 10th Anniversary of Bowling Green Massacre

Columbus, OH – Fans of the Buckeyes men’s basketball program took to Twitter yesterday to relive the historic 112-53 blowout win over in-state rival Bowling Green that took place just ten years ago. Famously dubbed the “Bowling Green Massacre”, the Buckeyes, led by Iraqi-refugee combo-guard D’Andre Hussein Mohammed, held the Falcons to just 18-of-76 from the field… Read More Ohio State Fans Celebrate 10th Anniversary of Bowling Green Massacre

Duke to Play Naked After Consecutive Wins Following Ban on Clothing

Durham, NC – After winning two straight games following a ban on wearing any clothing emblazoned with their university logo imposed by head coach Mike Kryzekqxvziy#ksi, the Duke Blue Devils men’s basketball team will play the rest of their season completely naked in an effort to capitalize on the now-obvious correlation between clothing restrictions and… Read More Duke to Play Naked After Consecutive Wins Following Ban on Clothing

Guy in Pick-Up Game Momentarily Considers Playing Defense, Thinks Better of It

Local YMCA – After a failed offensive possession gave way to a potential fast-break opportunity for the opposing team, wing player and self-designated ‘point-forward’ Alex Delleany briefly thought about hustling back to play defense, but ultimately decided against exerting himself. “They were going to score, like, no matter what. And nobody else really got back, either,”… Read More Guy in Pick-Up Game Momentarily Considers Playing Defense, Thinks Better of It

Warriors Season Over After Opening Night Loss

Golden State – After suffering a devastating opening night loss to their western conference nemesis, the San Antonio Spurs, the Golden State Warriors’ season is officially, unquestionably over. The grand experiment, adding Kevin Durant to an already-stacked Warriors lineup, has been an unequivocal disaster. “We can’t score, can’t stop anybody, can’t win,” said disgruntled Warriors owner… Read More Warriors Season Over After Opening Night Loss

Messi Complains of ‘Strange Knee Pain’ After Posing for Photo

Argentina – Just minutes after uploading a photo of himself while walking his dog, Argentine soccer sensation Lionel Messi noticed a sharp pain in both of his knees. “I’m not sure what happened… I woke up, got dressed, and went out for a walk. Suddenly, I felt a strange knee pain in both legs,” a mystified… Read More Messi Complains of ‘Strange Knee Pain’ After Posing for Photo