Category: Football

Reports: Numerous NFL Teams Expressing Interest in former NBA player Jabari Bird

New Jersey – Despite having no meaningful football experience and no discernible football skill, reports have surfaced that numerous NFL teams have expressed ‘significant interest’ in signing former NBA player, Jabari Bird, after he was waived by the Atlanta Hawks. The former NBA reserve made headlines in 2018 when he was arrested for allegedly strangling… Read More Reports: Numerous NFL Teams Expressing Interest in former NBA player Jabari Bird

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Fox Pulls Camera Operator Benedict Arnold from Upcoming Patriots Broadcast

New England – Facing public pressure following ESPN’s decision to remove commentator Robert Lee from a UVA football game telecast, FOX has decided to pull long-time camera operator, Benedict Arnold, from the upcoming Patriots pre-season game against the rival Giants. Benedict, who typically goes by “Ben”, declined to comment on the controversial decision after it… Read More Fox Pulls Camera Operator Benedict Arnold from Upcoming Patriots Broadcast

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Brady Skips White House Visit for a “Family Matters” TV Marathon

New England – Tom Brady shocked many supporters when he announced that he planned to skip the New England Patriots victory trip to the White House on Wednesday, albeit not for political reasons. While many of his teammates refused to participate due to their aversion to the anthropomorphized fake-Rolex that now occupies the White House,… Read More Brady Skips White House Visit for a “Family Matters” TV Marathon

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Mike Ditka Mistakenly Buys Flight to Seattle, Washington, to Attend Presidential Inauguration

Chicago – Not realizing that Washington D.C. is not the same thing as the state of Washington, a very confused Mike Ditka called American Airlines in a panic late Sunday evening and attempted to rebook his flight from Chicago to attend the Presidential Inauguration. Friends of the former Chicago Bears coach came to his defense, noting… Read More Mike Ditka Mistakenly Buys Flight to Seattle, Washington, to Attend Presidential Inauguration

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Trump to Name Roger Goodell as Director of Health & Human Services

Washington D.C. – President-elect Donald Trump turned heads on Monday when he issued a statement affirming that he plans to ask the current NFL Commissioner to head up the Department of Health & Human Services. Rumors began circulating days earlier that Trump was first interested in hiring Roger Goodell to head up the Occupational Safety & Healthy Administration… Read More Trump to Name Roger Goodell as Director of Health & Human Services

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Michigan to Wear Khaki Alternates for Homecoming Game

Ann Arbor – Inspired by the fashion choices of their head coach, Jim Harbaugh, the Wolverines will wear alternate uniforms featuring khaki bottoms during their homecoming game against rival Ohio State. The uniforms will likely be pleated and each individual player will decide on whether or not to cuff the bottom of the pants. NCAA uniform… Read More Michigan to Wear Khaki Alternates for Homecoming Game

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NFL Players Under Fire for Sitting ‘Indian-Style’ During National Anthem

Washington – Several prominent players from teams across the NFL are under fire from the league office after sitting ‘Indian-Style’ during the national anthem to protest the overt and systemic discrimination against people of color in the United States. NFL spokesman Greg McWhiterson was asked about the gesture during a press conference on Monday. “While… Read More NFL Players Under Fire for Sitting ‘Indian-Style’ During National Anthem

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Tebow Completes Conversion to Judaism with Mets Signing

Flushing, NY – What began with an unsuccessful tenure as a quarterback for the New York Jets has finally come full circle, as Tim Tebow took the final step in his several-year conversion process and signed with the New York Mets organization. Mets team Rabbi, Jeff Rubenstein, called it “a holy day” and welcomed Tebow into the… Read More Tebow Completes Conversion to Judaism with Mets Signing

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