Springfield, IL – Mark Pikers won’t be winning any Presidential Awards this year. In a repeat of last year’s devastating performance, Mark was again foiled by the sit-and-reach flexibility test. This final barrier proved too much, as Mark could barely reach his toes despite several days of intense stretching before bedtime that week. After a terrific showing in the one-mile run (6:28) and shuttle hurdle-cone sprints, Mark wisely avoided tiring himself out doing chin-ups, opting instead for the easier, but entirely valid “Hang” test. “I thought I had it coming out of [the Hang],” lamented Mark to student newspaper reporters as his classmates looked on in sorrow and disbelief. “Every year, it’s this stupid reaching test. What’s that got to do with fitness anyways?”

When asked about whether or not he would attempt to reach the Presidential Fitness Standard in his next and final year, Mark was non-committal. “Right now, I just want to spend some time with my family. I’ll worry about that next year,” he sighed. At the final tally, 12 of the 29 kids in Mark’s 3rd period gym class achieved the Presidential Fitness Standard; only two are varsity athletes.