Sit-and-Reach Test Ruins High Schooler’s Chance at Presidential Fitness Award

Springfield, IL – Mark Pikers won’t be winning any Presidential Awards this year. In a repeat of last year’s devastating performance, Mark was again foiled by the sit-and-reach flexibility test. This final barrier proved too much, as Mark could barely reach his toes despite several days of intense stretching before bedtime that week. After a… Read More Sit-and-Reach Test Ruins High Schooler’s Chance at Presidential Fitness Award

Local Mom Secretly Fears Daughter’s Inability to Arrive On Time to Club Soccer Practice After Her Local League Game Finishes

Longmeadow, MA – On Friday evening, Karen (McGiven) Taylor privately shared doubts with her husband that their daughter, Kelly (9), would be able to make it to the 12pm start of her club team practice following her local soccer league game at 9:30am. The elite Western Massachusetts soccer club explicitly forbids its players from participating… Read More Local Mom Secretly Fears Daughter’s Inability to Arrive On Time to Club Soccer Practice After Her Local League Game Finishes

Ante Žižić Pens Tearful Farewell to Celtics Fans in Players Tribune

Boston – Shortly after learning he was traded to the Cleveland Cavaliers as a key piece in the deal that brought Kyrie Irving to Boston, Ante Žižić, known first as a poet and second as a basketball phenom, took to The Players Tribune to thank Celtics fans for an incredible run. “It hurts, man, it really,… Read More Ante Žižić Pens Tearful Farewell to Celtics Fans in Players Tribune

Fox Pulls Camera Operator Benedict Arnold from Upcoming Patriots Broadcast

New England – Facing public pressure following ESPN’s decision to remove commentator Robert Lee from a UVA football game telecast, FOX has decided to pull long-time camera operator, Benedict Arnold, from the upcoming Patriots pre-season game against the rival Giants. Benedict, who typically goes by “Ben”, declined to comment on the controversial decision after it… Read More Fox Pulls Camera Operator Benedict Arnold from Upcoming Patriots Broadcast

Breaking: Sepp Blatter Attended Controversial Meeting at Trump Tower

New York, New York – Multiple sources have confirmed that former FIFA President, Sepp Blatter, was in attendance for the infamous campaign meeting with nefarious characters that took place at Trump Tower on June 9th, 2016. “It is not possible to say whether or not I was at the meeting,” Blatter claimed, despite the revelations… Read More Breaking: Sepp Blatter Attended Controversial Meeting at Trump Tower