Duke to Play Naked After Consecutive Wins Following Ban on Clothing

grayson.jpgDurham, NC – After winning two straight games following a ban on wearing any clothing emblazoned with their university logo imposed by head coach Mike Kryzekqxvziy#ksi, the Duke Blue Devils men’s basketball team will play the rest of their season completely naked in an effort to capitalize on the now-obvious correlation between clothing restrictions and winning percentage. “The temporal ordering of these events allows us to infer clear-cut causation,” argued Dr. Dennis Frick, professor of Non-Linear Mathematics and Paranormal Studies at Duke University, who has been brought in by the athletic department to help the struggling basketball team. Dr. Frick continued: “The results are clear: the more restrictions we place on clothing, the better the team plays. It necessarily follows that if our players shed clothes entirely, on and off the court, then [mathematically] they will never lose again.” Early reports suggest that the team plans to ink full-size tattoos of player numbers onto the back of each player so that they can be identified by officials as NCAA rules require. However, some media members speculate that this will not be necessary, as it is unlikely the refs will call this on Duke despite the blatant rules violation.

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