New Guy At Gym Attempts to Intimidate Pickup Game Players With Elaborate Stretching Routine

Washington D.C. – In a calculated effort to bolster his athletic stature, new gym member, Oliver Stevens, age 32, engaged in a complex warmup routine while waiting to join the next pickup basketball game. Eager to “set the right tone”, Oliver improvised a series of calisthenics and dynamic stretches which he executed to perfection along the baseline of the main basketball court. “You only get one chance at a first impression,” offered Oliver, who was deliberating whether or not to wear one or two sweatbands on his wrist during his pickup hoops debut, “greatness starts before the game, it starts right now.” Oliver had 2 points, 3 rebounds, 1 assist, and 1 steal with a PER of 11.24 in his opening game (loss 8-11).


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