Tuesday’s SportsCenter Includes Seven Actual Sports Highlights; Breaks 5-Year Record

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Bristol, CT – The 9am EST edition of SportsCenter on Tuesday, March 28th, featured no less than seven highlights of actual sporting events during the one-hour broadcast, smashing what was once thought to be an unbreakable record (five) set in 2012, according to the Elias Sports Bureau. ESPN’s flagship morning show typically features 1-2 sports highlights scattered amidst a variety of unsatisfying debates and sophomoric memes, making the appearance of seven actual highlight packages completely unforeseen.

“This was a group effort,” said Kevin Negandhi, who co-anchored the show along with another 5-8 people that morning. “Seriously, we do everything as a group now,” Negandhi added.

Since records of this have been kept (2009), there have been less than a dozen shows featuring three or more sports highlights. Statisticians believe we may never again see this many actual highlights, instead predicting that SportsCenter will evolve into a one-hour show consisting entirely of anchors reading tweets from famous sports personalities and watching GIFs of fans accidentally spilling popcorn on themselves.

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