Fox Pulls Camera Operator Benedict Arnold from Upcoming Patriots Broadcast

New England – Facing public pressure following ESPN’s decision to remove commentator Robert Lee from a UVA football game telecast, FOX has decided to pull long-time camera operator, Benedict Arnold, from the upcoming Patriots pre-season game against the rival Giants. Benedict, who typically goes by “Ben”, declined to comment on the controversial decision after it… Read More Fox Pulls Camera Operator Benedict Arnold from Upcoming Patriots Broadcast

Tuesday’s SportsCenter Includes Seven Actual Sports Highlights; Breaks 5-Year Record

Bristol, CT – The 9am EST edition of SportsCenter on Tuesday, March 28th, featured no less than seven highlights of actual sporting events during the one-hour broadcast, smashing what was once thought to be an unbreakable record (five) set in 2012, according to the Elias Sports Bureau. ESPN’s flagship morning show typically features 1-2 sports… Read More Tuesday’s SportsCenter Includes Seven Actual Sports Highlights; Breaks 5-Year Record

Breaking: Steve Javie Released After Months Trapped in ‘Replay Center’

Bristol – An employee at ESPN’s corporate studios found and released former NBA referee, Steve Javie, from a locked closet where he worked during the NBA playoffs as ESPN’s Referee Analyst. Although the NBA finals concluded in June, staff at ESPN studios had apparently forgotten about Javie and he was only discovered after a janitor… Read More Breaking: Steve Javie Released After Months Trapped in ‘Replay Center’

Lebron To Announce Free Agency Decision on ESPN Special

South Beach- After declining a player-option on his current contract with the Cleveland Cavaliers, Lebron James will announce his free agency destination in a one-hour televised special on ESPN. “I just want to be able to connect with my fans and share my plans for the future with them,” said Lebron, in an interview on… Read More Lebron To Announce Free Agency Decision on ESPN Special

Existence of Benevolent God Confirmed as Skip Bayless Announces ESPN Departure

Bristol – On the heels of Skip Bayless’ announcement that he will be leaving ESPN this summer, a panel of distinguished philosophers have finally been able to confirm the existence of a benevolent, omnipotent deity. “While countless ontological proofs for the existence of a supreme being have fallen short, Skip’s unexpected departure from popular television programming has finally… Read More Existence of Benevolent God Confirmed as Skip Bayless Announces ESPN Departure

Routine Maintenance to ESPN Trade Machine Website Shuts Down Kings’ Deadline Deals

Sacramento – Last ditch efforts by the King’s front office to make a trade before Thursday’s deadline were derailed late Wednesday night when Kings General Manager, Vlade Divac, was unable to access ESPN’s NBA Trade Machine website due to scheduled monthly maintenance. Sources close to the Kings reported that Divac had been furiously trying to… Read More Routine Maintenance to ESPN Trade Machine Website Shuts Down Kings’ Deadline Deals

Skip Bayless: The Warriors Are ‘Overrated’

BRISTOL – After the Warriors’ first loss dropped the team to 24-1, Skip Bayless felt vindicated. “The Warriors are awful, they are completely overrated,” griped Skip Balyess, the TV analyst well known for his reasonable, highly-rational perspective. “The Warriors are not even a top 20 team – this loss proves my point,” added Bayless, who… Read More Skip Bayless: The Warriors Are ‘Overrated’