Tag: NFL

Reports: Numerous NFL Teams Expressing Interest in former NBA player Jabari Bird

New Jersey – Despite having no meaningful football experience and no discernible football skill, reports have surfaced that numerous NFL teams have expressed ‘significant interest’ in signing former NBA player, Jabari Bird, after he was waived by the Atlanta Hawks. The former NBA reserve made headlines in 2018 when he was arrested for allegedly strangling… Read More Reports: Numerous NFL Teams Expressing Interest in former NBA player Jabari Bird

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Star WR to Skip Bowl Game to Take Sociology Final

Hastings, NE – In a widely criticized decision, University of Nebraska NCAA student-athlete Zachary Hill has decided to forgo playing in Saturday’s Rosemary Salmon Quinoa Bowl in order to take his Sociology 201 final. University officials were perplexed by Hill’s decision and immediately began asking questions of Hill’s sociology professor, Dr. Robert Dorfman, who spoke with reporters in… Read More Star WR to Skip Bowl Game to Take Sociology Final

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Guy Outside Pile Completely Certain His Team Recovered Fumble

Cleveland – After arriving just a few seconds late to the chaotic scene, a player for the Red Team standing outside the pile of men was absolutely certain that his team recovered the loose ball, despite having no line of sight whatsoever. Although it was difficult for the untrained eye to decipher from a distance,… Read More Guy Outside Pile Completely Certain His Team Recovered Fumble

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Trump to Name Roger Goodell as Director of Health & Human Services

Washington D.C. – President-elect Donald Trump turned heads on Monday when he issued a statement affirming that he plans to ask the current NFL Commissioner to head up the Department of Health & Human Services. Rumors began circulating days earlier that Trump was first interested in hiring Roger Goodell to head up the Occupational Safety & Healthy Administration… Read More Trump to Name Roger Goodell as Director of Health & Human Services

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NFL Players Under Fire for Sitting ‘Indian-Style’ During National Anthem

Washington – Several prominent players from teams across the NFL are under fire from the league office after sitting ‘Indian-Style’ during the national anthem to protest the overt and systemic discrimination against people of color in the United States. NFL spokesman Greg McWhiterson was asked about the gesture during a press conference on Monday. “While… Read More NFL Players Under Fire for Sitting ‘Indian-Style’ During National Anthem

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Report: Trump to Name Johnny Manziel as Vice President

Heartland, USA – Multiple sources confirmed that Donald Trump plans to name Johnny Manziel as his running-mate for the upcoming 2016 presidential election in an effort to appeal to a younger, broader demographic. “Johnny’s wonderful, terrific, great guy, really,” said Trump at a news conference last week, “Who doesn’t like Johnny Football? He’s great, great… Read More Report: Trump to Name Johnny Manziel as Vice President

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Report: NFL Finds Brady & Belichick Responsible for Manning’s Collegiate Transgressions

New York – After reports re-surfaced regarding an alleged sexual assault committed by Peyton Manning while at the University of Tennessee, a separate investigation conducted by the NFL found that Tom Brady and Patriots’ coach, Bill Belichik, were entirely responsible for the incident in question. “Our investigation has unequivocally found that Tom Brady and coach Belichick traveled… Read More Report: NFL Finds Brady & Belichick Responsible for Manning’s Collegiate Transgressions

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Lady Gaga Retires After Cashing-in on ‘Over’ Bet for National Anthem

Santa Clara – Lady Gaga announced her retirement Monday morning, just after leaving the Westgate Superbook in Las Vegas where she reportedly wagered her entire net worth of $230 million that her National Anthem at the Superbowl would last longer than 2 minutes 20 seconds. “Absolute no brainer,” said Gaga, who was appalled that previous anthem… Read More Lady Gaga Retires After Cashing-in on ‘Over’ Bet for National Anthem

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