Lebron To Announce Free Agency Decision on ESPN Special

South Beach- After declining a player-option on his current contract with the Cleveland Cavaliers, Lebron James will announce his free agency destination in a one-hour televised special on ESPN. “I just want to be able to connect with my fans and share my plans for the future with them,” said Lebron, in an interview on… Read More Lebron To Announce Free Agency Decision on ESPN Special

Sources: Javaris Crittenton to Skip Rio Olympics

Georgia State Penitentiary – According to various sources, Javaris Crittenton has taken himself out of the running for the upcoming Summer Olympics. “Javaris is actually in great shape,” noted his agent/appeals attorney, Keith Dobbins, “he exercises every day, for exactly an hour, actually. But he has decided to opt out of consideration for Team USA due to,… Read More Sources: Javaris Crittenton to Skip Rio Olympics

Sacramento Kings Send Durant Recruiting Message on LinkedIn; No Reply

Sacramento – Hoping to appear technologically savvy and “hip”, Sacramento Kings General Manager, Vlade Divac, sent Kevin Durant a message on LinkedIn in an effort to recruit the former-MVP free agent. The Hyperbolic Chamber was able to obtain a copy of the InMail®: At press time, Durant has yet to reply, however sources connected to… Read More Sacramento Kings Send Durant Recruiting Message on LinkedIn; No Reply

Cleveland Cavaliers Win 2016 NBA Lottery Despite Odds

Cleveland – Although Cleveland was not in the lottery and thus had literally a 0.00% statistical chance in lucking into the first overall pick, they somehow managed to snatch up the first overall pick for the third time in three years. “It was a real long-shot,” noted Cavs owner Dan Gilbert, “I definitely didn’t see that one… Read More Cleveland Cavaliers Win 2016 NBA Lottery Despite Odds

Report: Knicks Consider Hiring Reggie Miller Just To Get Him Off Television

New York – Despite being one of the most loathed opponents in the storied history of the New York Knickerbockers basketball franchise, sources close to the Knicks’ front office have confirmed that the Knicks have considered offering the head coaching job to Reggie Miller simply to get him off the air during nationally televised NBA games.… Read More Report: Knicks Consider Hiring Reggie Miller Just To Get Him Off Television

Curry Finally Inks Invisalign® Endorsement

Golden State – After several years of displaying the product with the hopes of winning an endorsement, Steph Curry has finally signed a lucrative contract with Invisalign®. As part of their negotiated deal, the company has asked Steph to refrain from putting their product behind his ear, wedged into his jersey, chewing on it, and holding it… Read More Curry Finally Inks Invisalign® Endorsement

Routine Maintenance to ESPN Trade Machine Website Shuts Down Kings’ Deadline Deals

Sacramento – Last ditch efforts by the King’s front office to make a trade before Thursday’s deadline were derailed late Wednesday night when Kings General Manager, Vlade Divac, was unable to access ESPN’s NBA Trade Machine website due to scheduled monthly maintenance. Sources close to the Kings reported that Divac had been furiously trying to… Read More Routine Maintenance to ESPN Trade Machine Website Shuts Down Kings’ Deadline Deals

Local NBA Fan Thrilled That Arena Constantly Plays Music During Gameplay

Washington D.C. – Upon exiting the Verizon Center arena following a game in which the Wizards lost 117-113 to the Denver Nuggets, Wizards fan Dave Cartwright expressed his profound love for the constant stream of rap instrumentals played during the game. “I used to go to games and get stuck focusing on basketball. Now, I get a constant… Read More Local NBA Fan Thrilled That Arena Constantly Plays Music During Gameplay

Jahlil Okafor Suspended Four Games for War Crimes; Ponzi Scheme

PHILADELPHIA – The Philadelphia 76ers have suspended standout rookie, Jahlil Okafor, for four games, following a rare joint-indictment by Interpol and U.S. Department of Justice for his role in numerous war crimes and the orchestration of a massive Ponzi scheme. After years of meticulous investigation, Interpol and the DOJ issued a damning statement arguing that Okafor has single-handedly been… Read More Jahlil Okafor Suspended Four Games for War Crimes; Ponzi Scheme