OTTAWA, ON – Team Canada added its name to the list of international sporting organizations that have been rocked by major doping scandals today, when an investigation by the BBC revealed a systemic, organized performance enhancing drug program. A 17 month investigation culminated in widespread accusations that the Canadian team has been running a secret program to administer a… Read More Doping Scandal Rocks Canadian Curling
DALLAS – Hoping to salvage a disappointing 2015 season, multiple sources confirmed that Cowboys Owner and General Manager, Jerry Jones, has made “repeated inquiries” about the availability of former New England Patriots TE Aaron Hernandez. “Everyone deserves a second chance,” piped Jones, “he’s made some mistakes, we know that, but as far as we’re concerned the… Read More Reports: Cowboys Interested in Aaron Hernandez
NEW YORK CITY – NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced Thursday that the league office has launched a formal investigation after various sources indicated that the float balloons appeared under-inflated during the first half of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Unconfirmed reports claim that the balloons may have been intentionally deflated just prior to the start of the… Read More NFL Launches Probe on Thanksgiving Parade Balloon Deflation
NEW YORK CITY – Capitalizing on the success of the new 3-on-3 format for the first overtime period in NHL regular season games, NHL officials plan take things a step further an introduce a second overtime period that will feature just one skater per team. “This can’t fail,” said NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman at a press… Read More NHL to Introduce 1-on-1 Double Overtime Rules
CHARLOTTE – Recently retired NASCAR superstar Jeff Gordon failed to obtain a driver’s license after failing his road test due to what the once-heralded driver argued were “inadequate driving conditions”, chiefly the lack of visible flagging. “How was I supposed to know that I should drive with caution… there is nobody out there waving a yellow flag?”… Read More Newly-Retired Gordon cites ‘Lack of Flags’ in Failed Driving Test
CHICAGO – Following the Broncos 17-15 road win over the Chicago Bears, first-time starting quarterback Brock Osweiler reportedly ordered a Domino’s medium two-topping pan pizza to his hotel room in downtown Chicago. According to several Broncos players, Osweiler broke a strict locker room code when he “violated an unspoken rule” and ordered pizza from somewhere… Read More Reports: Osweiler Orders Dominos After First Win as Denver QB
NEW YORK CITY -NBA greats Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady lead all vote-getters after NBA fans have cast the first batch of ballots for the 2016 NBA All-Star Game, narrowly outpacing Kobe Bryant, Steph Curry, and Lebron James. While neither Ming nor McGrady have played professional basketball in years, a strange clause in the collective bargaining agreement assures… Read More Ming and McGrady Leading Early NBA All-Star Voting
CHARLOTTE – In a rare display of frustration, Hornets point guard Jeremy Lin expressed his outrage over the lack of an obvious and catchy nickname for New York Knicks rookie Kristaps Porzingas. “As a fan of the game, I find it absolutely appalling that we could be a full 15 games into the season and ‘The… Read More Jeremy ‘Linfuriated’ Over Lack of Catchy Porzingas Nickname
ST. LOUIS – During a interview on Tuesday afternoon, St. Louis Rams receiver Wes Welker revealed his excitement about playing in the team’s upcoming Sunday afternoon game. “I literally can’t remember the last time I was this excited to play football,” Welker told a pack of reporters in the locker room as he cautiously put on one sock at a… Read More Welker “Literally Can’t Remember” Last Time He Was This Excited to Play Football
The Hyperbolic Chamber 