Golden State – After suffering a devastating opening night loss to their western conference nemesis, the San Antonio Spurs, the Golden State Warriors’ season is officially, unquestionably over. The grand experiment, adding Kevin Durant to an already-stacked Warriors lineup, has been an unequivocal disaster. “We can’t score, can’t stop anybody, can’t win,” said disgruntled Warriors owner… Read More Warriors Season Over After Opening Night Loss
East Lansing – NBA legend Tim Duncan announced his retirement Monday morning following a late-night altercation with Draymond Green. Details are still emerging, but it looks as though Green instigated the altercation by repeatedly insulting Duncan’s attire, specifically his cargo shorts. Contrary to initial reports that Draymond injured Duncan so badly that Duncan had no choice… Read More Duncan Retires After Fist-Fight With Draymond Green
Golden State – After several years of displaying the product with the hopes of winning an endorsement, Steph Curry has finally signed a lucrative contract with Invisalign®. As part of their negotiated deal, the company has asked Steph to refrain from putting their product behind his ear, wedged into his jersey, chewing on it, and holding it… Read More Curry Finally Inks Invisalign® Endorsement
Golden State – Superstar Warriors guard Stephen Curry announced that he currently plans to retire at some point during the next 5-20 years of his career, prompting the beginning of an unprecedented 410-1640 game retirement tour around the NBA. Alluding to the fanfare given to Kobe Bryant during his final NBA season, the Warriors expect… Read More Curry Announces He’ll Retire in 5-20 Years, Begins Farewell Tour
San Francisco – The Golden State Warriors organization and Coach Steve Kerr have each been fined $500k after a formal investigation by the NBA league office revealed that the Warriors input cheat codes that have effectively ‘broken’ the game of basketball and enabled star guard Stephen Curry to bend the laws of physics and probability. After… Read More Report: NBA Fines Warriors, Kerr for Using Cheat Codes
BRISTOL – After the Warriors’ first loss dropped the team to 24-1, Skip Bayless felt vindicated. “The Warriors are awful, they are completely overrated,” griped Skip Balyess, the TV analyst well known for his reasonable, highly-rational perspective. “The Warriors are not even a top 20 team – this loss proves my point,” added Bayless, who… Read More Skip Bayless: The Warriors Are ‘Overrated’
The Hyperbolic Chamber 