Rio de Janeiro – Rio police now suspect the entire US Swim Team were involved in a late-night robbery at a gas station just outside the athletes village. Video footage shows everyone on the men’s and women’s US team as they put on masks and brandished assault weapons in an attempt to steal several hundred dollars after… Read More US Swim Team Wanted for Armed Robbery
Rio de Janeiro – Extensive DNA testing of the Olympic pool water has confirmed what many feared would happen: Ryan Lochte has peed in the pool. Officials grew suspicious after Lochte hung onto the lane line for an unusual amount of time following the 200M Individual Medley. “It looked like [Lochte] was just trying to read the scoreboard… Read More Lochte Disqualified for Peeing in Pool
Rio de Janeiro – Experts now suggest that many of the problems in Rio leading up to the start of the Olympic Games are the result of the almost-mythical 2011 robbery that destroyed much of the city’s transportation infrastructure. The heist, allegedly perpetrated by a noticeably diverse crew led by internationally-acclaimed street racer, Dominic ‘Dom’ Toretto, ruined miles of… Read More Reports: Rio Still Recovering from Legendary Heist as Olympics Approach
Georgia State Penitentiary – According to various sources, Javaris Crittenton has taken himself out of the running for the upcoming Summer Olympics. “Javaris is actually in great shape,” noted his agent/appeals attorney, Keith Dobbins, “he exercises every day, for exactly an hour, actually. But he has decided to opt out of consideration for Team USA due to,… Read More Sources: Javaris Crittenton to Skip Rio Olympics
The Hyperbolic Chamber 