Mike Ditka Mistakenly Buys Flight to Seattle, Washington, to Attend Presidential Inauguration

Chicago – Not realizing that Washington D.C. is not the same thing as the state of Washington, a very confused Mike Ditka called American Airlines in a panic late Sunday evening and attempted to rebook his flight from Chicago to attend the Presidential Inauguration. Friends of the former Chicago Bears coach came to his defense, noting… Read More Mike Ditka Mistakenly Buys Flight to Seattle, Washington, to Attend Presidential Inauguration

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Baylor Signs 5-Star Prospect Despite Lack of Criminal Record

Waco – Baylor University students and boosters were shocked when the football team announced Wednesday that 5-star prospect, Andrew Jenkins, had signed a letter of intent to play football for the Bears next fall. To date, Jenkins has yet to be indicted or even suspected of any criminal wrongdoing, making his recruitment an outlier for… Read More Baylor Signs 5-Star Prospect Despite Lack of Criminal Record

Medical Experts Confirm Existence of “Resting Bitch Face”; Cite Jay Cutler

WISCONSIN – Confirming what was once considered an amusing urban legend, geneticists at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse proved the existence of Resting Bitch Face, or RBF, with Bears quarterback Jay Cutler providing a critical study input. While the study incorporated a diverse sample of over 80,000 subjects, it was Jay Cutler that provided the… Read More Medical Experts Confirm Existence of “Resting Bitch Face”; Cite Jay Cutler

Reports: Osweiler Orders Dominos After First Win as Denver QB

CHICAGO – Following the Broncos 17-15 road win over the Chicago Bears, first-time starting quarterback Brock Osweiler reportedly ordered a Domino’s medium two-topping pan pizza to his hotel room in downtown Chicago. According to several Broncos players, Osweiler broke a strict locker room code when he “violated an unspoken rule” and ordered pizza from somewhere… Read More Reports: Osweiler Orders Dominos After First Win as Denver QB