Washington D.C. – Reacting to a lawsuit filed by members of the U.S. Women’s National Team against the U.S. Soccer Federation (USSF) demanding equal pay for equal work, the USSF filed a counter-suit in a Minneapolis federal court on Thursday, arguing that the women’s team would have to abandon their level of consistent success to be considered equal to the men’s team.

A spokesman for the USSF issued a statement to the media: “We are disappointed by the recent legal actions taken by the members of the U.S. Women’s National Team. Their complaint alleging equal work ignores the substantial disparity between the on-field accomplishments of the women’s team and the consistent under-performance from the men’s side. These teams are hardly equal.”

Sources close to the women’s team confirmed rumors that should the federal judge side with the USSF, the team would consider hiring Jurgen Klinnsmann in an effort to lower their level of play and establish an equivalent pattern of mediocrity.

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